I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
