We're like a lot better than the average bears
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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