i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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