I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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