he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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