I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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