Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize