Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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