kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
