We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
