loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?