i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review