so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
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No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
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I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.