you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..