wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.