Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday