I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm bleeding and have questions
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize