the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
