We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
only if we run a train.
done.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
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Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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