Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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