Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
