girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize