Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize