Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
