brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
