either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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