***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
