what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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