alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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