in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
