We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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