Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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