Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
