Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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