Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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