this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
