Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize