My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
