People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
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I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
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And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize