nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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