the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I supernannyed him into submission
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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