My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize