Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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