I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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