I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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