there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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