my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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