I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
