So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
