"it" just moved
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
