If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize