i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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