He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
