Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
