Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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