YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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