I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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