she woke up with a sticky ear
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize