Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
