how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just found puke in my bra..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
