i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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