Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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