I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
