so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
