I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This is the prime rib incident all over again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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