Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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