Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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